Pandemic Dangers - How do we talk about disinformation?

The middle ages had all the best monseters. They seemed to always come up with the best kinds of

hybrids of different animals and man. Terrible monstrosties that just ooze death and fear. And that's what they were about. People all throughout history have always tried to take the intangible fears of everyday life and create an image for it. If it's not 'the dark' that we're afraid of, but some destructive monstrosity, then we have something tangible to strike back at. It feels better to fear something tangible rather than intangible.

And so we come to today. It turns out that people haven't really changed all that much over the last many thousands of years. We have more gadgets now, and a more 'modern' understanding of the universe, but we still deal with the primal things of life in the same way. We still deal with fear and anxiety much the same way. We create tangible realities to take the brunt of our fear, anger and hatred. We make the intangible, tangible.

And so comes today. Do you wonder why we have a rampant spread of false information in a society like ours? Why in a crisis live Coronovirus is false information so prevelant? Well, we can't be angry of a virus. You can't really be afraid of something mocroscopic, no matter how many times the picture is shown. A sickness is intangible. We would rather have something tangible for this to be all about. We want a person, a nation, a corporation, an organization to be responsible for what's happening how. We could understand this better if what we're going through is the opportunism of some during the crisis. Anything to make the intangible, tangible.

And so we have the roots, and the spreadable nature of false information.

So what do you do? You who are intelligent, educated and well informed? You go to correct all of these problems. You scour and find all the best info, and relentlessly (if loveingly) attack those who spread rumor and falsehood. Does it work? Of course it doesn't work, but you've done your part.

But I know why it doesn't work. Because if you prove to someone that the cyclops doesn't exist, they'll still fear the dark. Dealing with all the false information that spreads is dealing with the symptoms and never the sickness. Chances are you have a loved one, a friend, a coleague or someone else you care about who has spread false information. Is it your desire that you be right, or is it your desire that they be made well?

Here's what we miss. All their feelings, fears, anxieties, and struggles are real. What we often do when confronted with false information is tear it apart. We show them all the reasons why are wrong, why they are misled. But here's the kicker, no matter how true, or well placed your arguments are, there is no way to convince them that their feelings are not real. Because their feelings are real. They know this as an indisputable fact. Everyone knows that their feelings are real, and that is always an indisputalbe fact. People feel what they feel, and no matter what that is all they know to be really true.

"Monsters aren't real," we tell our children as they go to bed. But do any of us doubt that the child's fear of sleeping ina dark room on their own isn't real? No, we would never doubt that. So when someone shares false information, misleading information, and we say, "this isn't true." Well, some of it is true. Their feelings are true.

No matter how lovingly, or reasonably, we engage someone with their false information they know that what they feel is true. What can happen is that you inevitably become another voice in their head telling them, "your feelings are invalid." Just think about that. If you're attending a wedding for a dear friend and someone told you, "you're not happy," would you believe them? If you just recieved word that a family member has passed and someone told you, "you're not sad," would you trust it?

The feelings we feel are often the most indesputable facts of our experience. It is no different when someone tells us, "you are not actually afraid," or "you are not actually angry," we would never believe that. And this is exactly how it comes accross when we come into a conversation telling someone that their beliefs (if belief it truly is) is invalid, or untrue.

So when we're dealing with disinformation from a loved one or a friend, the fist thing we need to deal with is the feeling. And I know this seems conterintuitive, but dealing with the facts presented is getting right into the symptom, not the sickness. We need to find the sickness which is in the indisputable feelings being felt. Are they afraid? Are they scared? Are they lonely? The feeling that is motivating the spread of false information is what needs to be dealt with. They don't need to be told that they're wrong, (invalidating the feeling), they need to recieve comfort and companionship that deals with the feelings.

By far the best way to deal with feelings is through empathy:
- "I'm worried about my parents getting sick too."
- "I'm also scared about the future of our kid's education."
- "I'm also worried about goverment overreach."
- "I'm scared that other nations will try and take advantage of this."
- (Help me out here, there's so many examples).

There will always be a feeling behind the sharing of false information. If there were no feelings, then they wouldn't be motivated enough to share it. It can sometimes be easy, and sometimes more difficult, but with love and conversation one could determine what the root feelings are behind the information. There's a good chance you're feeling it too. Make that known. Leave facts for later if they're neccessary. Probably they won't be. But sharing your own feelings and worries with the others is getting towards the things that really matter.

The second part is to share story. What is your story with these feelings? Why do you feel this way? What makes you feel better? What stories have you heard? Maybe this is the time to bring up those things you know, maybe not. And it definitely isn't time to turn it into a debate. But remember that story is what's powerful, not facts and statistics.

In the end it probaly doesn't matter if this one loved one has all the facts right. It rarely does. But hopefully these strategies will help us all lead each other to live more fulfilling lives. It will be far more beneficial to them, and yourself, to properly and communally deal with the feelings that this crisis is creating. Let's deal with the core rather than the symptoms. That, in the end, would be a far better outcome.

Note: If you don't know the person then these strategies problably won't work. Best piece of advice, don't get involved.  ;)  You might think that you can change their minds... you won't.